The Gushing Approach

Have you any female aquiantances who only "play" to the men in any given group??? You know. You're at Cafe Brasil with your man having a perfectly wonderful time when up walks this woman who you KNOW knows your name and that you are the guy's significant other since you've been living together for 4 years and have run into this bitch at least a dozen times...BUT...she turns her back totally to you and does her giggly girly routine at your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend (to his credit) says "Dumbellina (not her real name) you know Mary, right?" She turns and give you this blank look and you hold out your hand (which she ignores). So excuse yourself to the ladies room to see if you have a "Cancelled" stamp across your forhead (you don't) and head back out to the bar where she has plopped her fat ass in your bar stool and is leaning in having a conspiritorial chuckle with your man.

This is really a small thing I know. But sometimes it irritates the shit out of me. SO, I've devised a plan. As soon as you see this bimbo, you make a BIG DEAL about it. Really gush over her! After all, it's apparent that this pathetic creature needs some attention that she isn't getting at home with her plug-in Mr. Happy, so lay it on really thick. I tried this recently and it was like magic.

Me: Dumbellina!!! Hi! How are you???? (Big hug at this point) "Lamar ! (your boyfriend) Look it's Dumbellina! Doesn't she look fabulous???

Dumbellina: "Uh, oh hi Mary. Great. Everything is just great."

At this point you start complementing her on her cute little rhinestone glasses or her darling little artsy hat. All the while running your hand up and down your boyfriend's back (because he definitely won't walk away from a back rub).

She looks confused. He is oblivous to everything but your hand massaging his shoulder.

And since this didn't quite work out the way she planned, she shuffles off to her next victim. Waaaa laaaa!!!