Your Choice

Funny how when you aren't in a state of constant anxiety some things become crystal clear. The phone rang at my sister's house in northern California and since no-one was home, I answered it. It was Ted's mama, Lolly. Ted is my sister's boyfriend. Lolly is a therapist in Chicago and we last saw her during our evacuation from Katrina. She asked how things are going for us back in New Orleans. "It pretty much sucks right now" was my response. Lolly didn't even skip a beat. "Your choice," she said. Oddly enough, I didn't even bristle at that. I had a moment of clarity right there. It is my choice! And I have other choices too. I've been pondering them every since.

1. Swap homes for a year with a friend who wants to try living in New Orleans.

2. Move to New York for a year and stay with Jessie and Gabby. Jessie wants to get a larger apartment anyway and I know I have a job up there already.
3. Buy a house in Hammond, La. or somewhere just outside the twighlight zone of New Orleans and stay there on weekends.
4. Stay here and try to keep it together.

It's not that I want to write off my beloved New Orleans (well, truthfully sometimes I do just want to chuck it all in -- like after Ray Nay got re-elected). Most of the time though I have to believe that New Orleans will come back better than ever despite the bullshit politics, the racisim (on all sides), the crime; just the general jive around here. At least once a day Barry and I look at each other and say, "We are so fucked." And then we soldier on. But how long can we do that?

I have to remember that August and September are the two worst months in this city. Six more weeks and October will be here and one morning we'll wake up to a tiny touch of coolness in the air --- just a hint of it. Only then will I start to let down my guard. And maybe that is the answer. I should just bail the day after Jazz Fest and not come back til Halloween. In that light, it looks like Hammond would be a good alternative. I could still work in the city during the summer, but it would by my choice whether to sleep (and let my guard down) in the city.